Kidney cancer and the road to normality.

Well it has been four and a half months ago now since i had surgery to remove the tumour from my right kidney, the 25th of September 2012 to be precise.
 Since that time my body has made a remarkable recovery, if you have read my previous blogs i put much of that to remaining positive. The problem that i have had recently is not due to physical reasons it has been down to financial reasons.
 So please always make sure that you have protection regarding your fiances, mortgage etc, the last thing you need when you are recovering from illness is additional major problems, bills not being paid your home being repossessed. Never ever believe that you will never be of poor health, it can happen to anybody at anytime, make sure you have the necessary insurances in place.

                I return to work on Monday, my Dr had given me a earlier date to assume work although my employer requested further information from my consultant. I have seen the report that my consultant provided.
It states that he would expect 90% of muscular strength to return by 6 months and hopefully 100% by 12 months, he then states.....however, loin incisions are notorious for poor muscle strength long term and can often be a loin bulge due to neurovascuar dissection.....incising the muscles on the right hand side of the chest and removing the 12th right rib.

  So my consultant has stated that is only concern is that i am limited to lifting weights over 15kg for 12 months.....so obviously i realise for once in my life i must take it easy...not rush into things and not push myself to hard.
 On saying that the lady that has been dealing with my return to work as been very good and reassured me that if i feel tired etc...that it is not a problem, i can take extra breaks or go home early if i feel that i need to. She completely understands that it will be a shock to the system until i am back into the full swing of things.

 Looking forward to normality, once again.

 You can see the loin bulge, that my consultant referred to.

My emotions from cancer.

I mentioned in a earlier blog, that from the very first second that you are diagnosed with cancer the roller coaster ride begins. Forget the 'Big One', this is the 'Emotion Coaster' !.

        The 'Emotion Coaster' has much higher drops, twist and turns.

I will mention some of the emotions that my cancer diagnosis brought me.

Fear, fear caused me more upset than any emotion. Fear also taught me my biggest lesson and prepared me for anything that life might throw my way that i am not expecting.
People that read my tweets on Twitter will often read a tweet by myself that reads.
Never fear the unknown because more often than not the unknown is nothing to fear.
So the fear comes from the unknown, please read my blog.....'I hear voices'....this explains that all my fear of the unknown was unjust !!!!
And it actually annoys me that i spent so much time fearing the unknown.

Panic, i suppose that panic is the same as fear. Please try not to panic it affects the way that you see things, you will think up situations and see them all wrong, in a negative way.

Denial, i tried everything to deny that i had cancer, telling myself that a mistake had been made.That medical records had been mixed up, there was no way i had cancer i was far to fit. Believe me denial is a massive part of being diagnosed with cancer.

Shame, i felt so ashamed of myself. I felt dirty, and i have mentioned before i felt that i was going to be responsible for passing my cancer on to somebody, even frightened to kiss loved ones, terrified i would give them my cancer.

Humour, yes believe it or not humour. The reason i resorted to humour was possibly to raise my own spirits but most definitely to lift other peoples spirits, people who i could see were uneasy with the knowledge that i had cancer. My belief was that they would be more comfortable and they would see me as strong and not see a person who was actually falling apart.

Positivity, my greatest emotion due to the fact that i discovered it myself. Out of all my negativity came positivity, which will be with me for the rest of my life. And because i discovered positivity from one of the lowest points in my life, i feel as if that gives me the advantage to pass my positive thoughts onto other people, people who may have been recently diagnosed with cancer themselves.

There are so many emotions you experience on the 'Emotion Coaster'....

Shame, bad luck, humour, panic, fear, anger, denial, frustration......the list continues !!!

Always remember.....Cancer is a word, not a sentence.

o
 Some photographs to promote positive thought.
Scar pictures taken three weeks apart.

Photographs of myself, the first eight weeks ago, and the second taken today.

My Life with kidney cancer: Cancer is a word not a sentence.

My Life with kidney cancer: Cancer is a word not a sentence.: Cancer is a word not a sentence. Cancer is a word not a sentence. Cancer is a word not a sentence.                                       ...

Cancer is a word not a sentence.

Cancer is a word not a sentence.
Cancer is a word not a sentence.
Cancer is a word not a sentence.
                                                    Please read the above and never ever forget, Cancer is a word not a sentence. The very moment that i was told that i had cancer my life as i knew stopped.
Panic mode immediately set in, panic mode and emergency mode, and the shock waves that created pushed my family and friends into panic and emergency mode.
                                                                                                                                                            
Upon reflection, i think the best advice that i can give to a person who has been diagnosed with cancer would be, after the initial shock please please ! try your very best to continue to live the life that you know, that you live every single day.

If you have followed my blog, you will know that i when i was diagnosed with cancer i fell apart. And that fear took over my life which in turn turned my life into a living hell.
And all the negativity that took over my life sent shock waves to my family and friends and caused them even more upset that i felt i had already imposed on them.I feel that i also pushed my family into emergency mode.

Every time i see the word survivor in connection with cancer, or a person refers to me as a survivor it makes me feel very uncomfortable.
At first the word survivor gave me strength, made me feel strong, now i think that the word survivor has a time and a place and not to be used in conjunction with cancer.
Do you understand ? i will try and explain....
Lets say a plane crashes and if anybody on board survives they are labelled a survivor which is right because to be truthful you are expected to be killed in a plane crash.
When somebody is referred to has a cancer survivor, well to me it makes me feel that everybody else with cancer is expected to die.
Ive been flicking through my dictionary....thriving cancer ? to thrive means to do well, to have a good quality of life, but to me thriving cancer does not sound right.

So i will just say in the future i am living well and i feel that living well has the right meaning for myself at this moment in time.

One thing i have learnt in my recovery so far is if you set your goals to high you can cause yourself disappointment which in turn turns into negativity. So always remain positive, you know positivity is the message i try to get across.

 Myself 8 weeks after operation to

                                   remove tumour from my right kidney.

Positivity heals.

My Life with kidney cancer: Salford Royal Hospital, 31st October 2012, ...

My Life with kidney cancer: Salford Royal Hospital, 31st October 2012,
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My Life with kidney cancer: I hear voices, one voice is talking to me "Gary ca...

My Life with kidney cancer: I hear voices, one voice is talking to me "Gary ca...: I hear voices, one voice is talking to me "Gary can you hear me, Gary can you hear me?" i mumble something, i am aware that there are people...

My Life with kidney cancer: 25th September 2012

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