" Who do i love more than anyone else in the whole wide world ? ".........."me Daddy"....." You never ever forget that Mr Knightshirt "...one of my many names for my little lad. " Right come here and give me a kiss".......My boy started walking along the path up to school.." I love you i called "......i sat in my car my eyes fixed on him as he walked further out of view, my breaths getting deeper, i started screaming, i was hysterical i could not see my eyes and face awash with tears. I had convinced myself that this was the the last time i would ever see my son, i was convinced that i was going to die that afternoon.My son is my biggest love in my life i am very protective over him, sorry but my eyes are filling up now !!!
I arrived home, got undressed and had a shower, i was in a bizarre state of mind as if i didn't know where i was, one thing i did know time was running out i had to be at the Hospital for 11.30 am. I got dressed picked up my bag and said to my wife time to go or i will be late.I was shaking in the car on the way to the Hospital, oh no oh shit, Fucking Hell we were there in the car park,. I can't do it, i can't go in...."You will be late Gary, come on think of Stephen ", i was not ready, i was swearing ..fucking hell no no no, i can't fucking do this !!!!!!Time was passing by, all at once i opened the car door, this was it it was time.
I reported to the relevant reception filled in paperwork. Then a nurse came in and took me to the place i had to get prepared for my operation, the place you wait where you get changed etc. " The nurse stopped and told my wife to say goodbye now, i had to go on my own..." NO " i said, i refused to continue, i could not go on my own, quite clear to her i was in a state i was shaking, my eyes watering...remember i had convinced myself i was going to die in that operation. The nurse told us to wait where we were for a moment, a couple of minutes later she returned...OK she said your wife can come with you.
We went into a cubicle, i changed into a gown, they filled out name tags, for my wrist, put surgical stockings on me, they prevent blood clots.Every second seemed like a hour, people come and went, a anaesthetist came to see me ( yet another really nice man)..he again talked me through the procedure before my operation. Different nurses requested things to calm me down they were refused, the reason being they would make me ill after my op ?? !!. My consultant arrived, going through various things asked me which kidney he was removing the tumour from, well you do have to be 100%, and then wrote in very large letters, and drew arrows pointing up on my right leg. He shook my hand and left, various members of my family came in with good luck messages.
Through out the afternoon, every person waiting for a operation had gone i was the last person, i had been there for over four hours waiting............."MR Knight "..this was it i was on my way.
I was taken into a room, i think there was five people in there, questions coming from every direction, talking me through every procedure, lines going into my hand...explaining that they were about to start the epidural, i felt pressing on my back in various places, after awhile the anaesthetist told me i was brave it was in, i glanced over i could see the operating theatre next door i glanced in...curtains were quickly drawn and then........................................................i was later told i had passed out before i was due to......exhaustion and stress, I'm still not sure if this was true !!.......................that's it until next chapter.
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