Finding out i had Cancer

Right, where was i ?, oh yes...so if you ever need the old tube down the ding a ling you do not worry about it.You will not feel it before no time they will say " right-well done, all finished " what a brilliant feeling over and done with. And then you slightly annoyed with yourself that you spent so much time worrying over that, short lived though because your so relieved it's over and done with. Also you feel have fun next couple of days..peeing !!..well i did, I'm only being honest all i will say is ding a ling v razor blade, Round 1.........Soon passes and i had also received my appointment at the urology department.
    My sister came to the Hospital with me, i was going to go on my own , my sister said she wanted to come with me.I reported in at reception and quite happily sat waiting for my appointment, knowing that i was there only for the outcome of my test which being honest with you i was not worried about, even the lump on my kidney i had dismissed as maybe a tiny cyst.
      "Mr Knight", i looked around...only joking, no one ever calls me Mr Knight....i sat in a room and waited to see a consultant. ( i will not mention is name, all i will say he is a amazing, friendly man that made me feel very much at ease..you know what i mean some Consultants, tend to talk down to you....understand ?),  " Right Mr Knight, the flexible cystoscopy, Superb results nothing to worry about "........this was going to be a walk in the park, i was getting quite comfy in my chair, " unfortunately Mr Knight myself and my colleges have discussed the findings of your Scan results"...he stopped paused and looked at me for what to seem forever..then.." who are you with Mr Knight?"......my sisters in the waiting room why ?...." It might be a good idea if you call her in "....no it's OK, why ?........( what was he fucking talking about !!!!....i was scared very scared )...." we all agree that the lump that we have examined is a Tumour.....Cancer"..................................................................................................................
   I prey for you, that nobody ever ever says those words to you, if they have you will understand this, Everything stops, is mouth still moving but everything is distant, your legs turn to jelly, the ceiling starts to slowly drop the walls move inwards. I'm shouting, i,'m screaming within myself, your wrong..your fucking wrong!!!!, my tears are falling, my heart is screaming all i can think about is my little boy Stephen 9, I'm in pain .......my Consultant gets me a tissue and calls in a nurse, i remember them asking if i want my sister..."NO, " !!!!!.............i don't want her to see me like this, the next 20-30 Min's i don't remember anything, i may as well as not been there, the nurse walks with me to the reception to make a appointment to return back within the next 48 hours, my sisters asking what is wrong....nothing...."there is Gary please tell me", she starts getting upset and holds my hand. We leave the hospital, please don't ask i tell her.........we get back to the safety of my car, nobody can see my tears..."Gary, please tell me, Please !!!".....................Ive got Cancer.



                                                      Salford Royal.









My sister Shelley and my little boy Stephen xxx